Thursday, October 11, 2012

My breaking point.

I started my weight loss journey April 30, 2012 (and I remember the date cause its when I truly felt I hit rock bottom). It was a Monday and that Sunday before, we had been playing softball at the park (me at 230 lbs, mind you), and I remember feeling embarrased to run to the bases cause everything jiggled and I felt too tired to even swing the bat. That night, my hubbs suggested I join the gym and I burst into tears. Not because I was upset with him(we had been having that discussion very often those days) but because I felt it was my breaking point. That's the day I truly realized it wasn't fair to me or my hubby for "Skinny Me" to be hiding under all those layers of fat. And it sure wasn't where I needed to be. When my hubby met me I was a mere 150 ish lbs. That's when he fell in love with me, not only physically but with the personality and confidence that a thinner me oozed with. So the next day I joined the gym. I remember getting on the treadmill for 10 minutes and feeling completely drained out. I was ashamed with myself and how far I had let myself come. Some days I even felt like just giving up and going back to my selfish habits of eating and drinking whatever unhealthy things I could get my hands on. But then my thoughts would go back to that Sunday night.
So far I have lost about 25 lbs- almost to my 30 lb mini goal yall! I can tell you that evenvthough I'm still a little over 200 lbs, I can feel a change in many things that I missed out on or didn't care for when I was heavier. For instance, shopping for clothes is fun again. For a long time it wasn't that great cause I dreaded that those size 18s would start getting tight and I would have to move up to a 20! And honestly, nothing even looked flattering on my body anymore. Also, I do my hair and get dressed up during the week for the hubbs- Something that had gone down the drain before I started to lose weight. I lived in oversized tee shirts and my hair up in a bun. Another change is my confidence levels when we go out in public are getting back to how they once were. Before I started losing weight, when the hubby wanted to go out dancing or to a dinner and a movie I would immediately squash the idea by saying I didn't have anything to wear, which was in part true, but really because I felt ashamed and embarrased for HIM to be seen with me. He has always been very thin and my self esteem shattered when we'd be out in public and people would give us weird looks. Sometimes I felt people thought we were little brother and big sister or something far from the couple we are.
Through all of this, my husband has never made rude remarks about my weight, even though he may say them in hid head, he has never bashed me to my face, but he does push me to keep going on my low days. He tells me to not give up and I am truly appreciative of his cheering me on. I feel like our relationship is the remains of a house after a fire, and little by little we are mending every room one by one and salvaging everything we can. I owe my husband a lot and I'm thankful that he is behind me every step of the way. The good and the bad. Because of him I'm finding myself again. And that's what he deserves...His wife that he fell in love with, not the one who let herself go and is always in a sour mood cause she has let her weight take control of her life.

Te amo mi amor. Esto es solo el comienzo De nuestro cuento de Adas.

I love you my love. This is only the beginning of our Happily Ever After.

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